By Petronius
In the wake of the discovery of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server to send official emails out of her suburban N.Y. home, the Democratic National Committee has issued an “abuse it and lose it,” email policy for senior officials.
“It just makes sense at this point,” said a senior member of the committee, who declined attribution, “after what’s happened at the IRS and now with former Secretary Clinton’s action, the use of electronic mail is just too much of a liability for the party.”
In the wake of the discovery that former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton was using a private email server in her home for reasons of “convenience,” many senior democrats are growing suspicious of the technology, which is apparently too much for various federal appointees to handle.
“I miss the sex scandals; those were the good old days. They were easier to deal with, had very few policy implications, but these are just on an entirely different level,” said the member.
At a recent press conference, Clinton said that her decision to send departmental emails through a private server in her home was a matter of “convenience” and that she regretted not keeping separate accounts.
“Perhaps it’s a training issue,” said an IT expert at the State Department, “to be fair, Secretary Clinton might not have been fully aware of the fact that it’s possible to have multiple emails sent to the same phone.
“But, I know how it goes,” he added, “when you’re expected to head a federal department that oversees foreign policy, telling the difference between two smartphones is just way too much to ask.”
“We only have two options at this point,” the senior member of the Committee, “either stop all emails from potential high-level candidates or actually commit the people we appoint to efficient and transparent governing practices…the moratorium seems a lot easier.”
The new party policy will involve an intricate system of phone trees, fax machines, beepers, pagers and carrier pigeons and will prohibit most senior level officials, members of Congress and federal appointees.
“It’s going to be a mixed blessing,” a DNC communications specialist told the Scrivener, “On the one hand, we’re going back to the early 90’s with our communications practices, but I feel like many in the party are more than willing to back to the early 90’s in at least some form.”
To former Clinton administration advisors, the move makes complete sense.
An anonymous former aide to President Clinton recounted that, “after the whole bad thing happened in ’97, the President wasn’t allowed around a box of cigars unsupervised for about six months or so, so the same principle applies to the Secretary in this case.”
When asked how he thought this would affect Secretary Clinton’s chances at wining the Democratic nomination for President in 2016, he confided that, “honestly, this might hurt her at the polls and at the convention, but we’ve had invitations and t-shirts printed since President Obama was re-elected…so that may have been a little short-sighted…”
The day before the press conference, the White House admitted that Obama had traded emails with Clinton on her personal account, but press secretary Josh Earnest, “would not describe the number of emails as large.”
The American Scrivener 